Thanda Matlab…

If Coca Cola were to remake the famous “thanda matlab coca cola” ad with Aamir Khan in the current scenario…how would the ad look like? Maybe Aamir would dress up like a politician and would fold his hands to the rest of the world and ask - “Thanda Matlab?”…and the rest of the world will quickly and convincingly reply -“INDIA”.  Yeps,  that would be an apt ad and India will not have anything substantial to prove otherwise.

“We are a peace loving country” – That’s how the rest of the world recognizes us…but there is a sad corollary to it – Since we are peace loving “peaceful” people, who prefer to take everything diplomatically, that gives the rest of the world the freedom to slap our butts or smack our heads. And how do we retaliate? -We complain to their respective daddies – “Hey, you better take care of your kid – he throws dog poop at my door, beats up my peace loving kid, trespasses my property and pees in my garden…and if this doesn’t stop, I am going to stop talking to you !” – Ya, not exactly the ideal moment to shout – “My daddy strongest”

It’s a shame that we are getting screwed from around the world and what concerns us most is a tweet! Jesus Christ !

Let’s look at some facts -

Pakistan – Pakistan is doing “####” about the 26/11 thing despite the Indian diplomats sending them proofs and dossiers…and I am not discussing anything more on this 26/11 thing because I know it’s a lost case...you fool me once, you are a bad guy….you fool me twice, I am a moron ! Lolz…they are launching missiles and open firing at our “jawans” to facilitate infiltration of terrorists and then blatantly denying it. And what are we doing? … Hmmmm …. Hmmmmm …. Serious Issue … Hmmmm …. Tharoor has hurt Indian sentiments…We condemn his tweet…

Israel has warned that a Pakistan-based terror outfit affiliated to al-Qaida, which carried out the 2008 Mumbai attacks, is planning to carry out a string of terror attacks across India….Hmmm….Tharoor owes us an apology….cattle class kahin ka…

China - Let’s start our discussion about china by establishing one fact (mind you – not an opinion, but a fact) – We are no match for China. They are way too aggressive and focused. Coming back to the topic…Chinese army is infiltrating into India through Ladakh and Arunachal Pradesh and painting the rocks and boulders red and carving “China” all over…and the Chinese foreign minister is slamming the news as “baseless”…what are we doing about it?? ZILCH ! the ever-so-famous denial mode…everything is  going just fine !

Australia - Australia has crossed all limits. Not only are the roos beating up “Soft targets” a.k.a Indians..their daddy – Mr Rudd is warning Indians against any retaliation -”Don’t break any law !”…we wish we had daddies like that….the truth is, be it australia or some other country, we just don’t fit in…why aren’t chinese getting attacked anywhere??? because everyone knows that if you mess with a chinese…either he will Jackie Chan your butt or the Chinese embassy will !

The point is, world over, we are portraying an image of a country which doesn’t have the aggression to retaliate…We are “Soft Targets”…Others can freely come, raise havoc and leave and we follow the diplomatic route for all solutions…true, diplomatic route can be effective…but a Man is not a Man because he can protect his family in legal ways…A Man is a Man because he can stand up for his family and punch the guy who is bothering his family.

We need a leadership who has its priorities figured out…Not someone who doesn’t even know that “Cattle Class” is a term used to describe economy class in an aircraft.

Oxford English Dictionary lists “cattle class” as a term to describe economy seats on an aircraft...what’s offensive here?? This brilliant politician who connects with the young generation had to face the super ignorant wrath of our outdated politicians for absolutely no reason…Sad !

Come what may, We dont want to be branded as “Thanda matlab India”…we want our due credit…call us by what we have been famous for over centuries… Call us  -“Garam Masala” !

Reality Check

I have been watching a lot (and I mean A LOT) of TV lately…thanks to all those reality shows flooding the idiot box…a reality show buff myself, I somehow like the idea of playing the role of an observer – putting few mice in a glass box and observe the dynamics inside the box…True, that most of these shows (well almost all) are a direct take off from US/UK but that’s the beauty of Reality TV – there is no such thing as “Copy”, because its outcome depends on the participants’ dynamics…so everything is spontaneous…even if it’s for TRP, what’s the harm?? – in the end it’s all entertainment…so every season of “Roadies” is different and unique with its own set of controversies…similarly, the superlame show “Rakhi ka Swayamvar” no matter how superfake, is still annoyingly unique…and since I mentioned “Rakhi Saawant”, allow me to express my unbiased opinion about her dumbass Swayamvar…I think there cannot be a more “non-real-full-of-losers” show on any channel (though “Is jungle se mujhe bachao” is a strong contender) and I am sure no one in this season of “Rakhi Ka Swayamvar” will be “good enough” for Rakhi and so am confidently betting on a “Rakhi Ka Swayamvar Season 2, season 3 etc”…that’s the beauty with Indian Reality – Entertainment inside the box and hypocricy outside the box…

I say hypocricy outside the box because that’s what irritates me…so I thought I should pen it down with the hope that it will offer me some relief…Let’s start with the recent brouhaha over the reality show “Sach Ka Saamna”, the Indian version of “Moment of Truth”…the moment I saw the ads of this show hitting the Indian TV, I was excited – I had seen the US version and it was undoubtedly a controversial show. This show has the potential to break relationships for it is based on revealing your darkest secrets on National TV…I doubted if the same level of questions will be asked in the Indian version, courtesy the ever ready moral brigade… so I was convinced that questions like “Did you have a sexual relationship with another man/woman while you were married?” and “Do you hate your mother for not taking proper care of you?” will not be asked in the Indian context, as “it’s not in our culture”…we as a Society, will never accept the fact that we are capable of being shady…As a result we have Smriti Irani “Tulsi” of Saas Bahu crap protesting against this show on a news channel- her argument – it’s not morally correct to make people confess their darkest secrets for money, after all its all about money…shut up woman ! you of all the people should keep your mouth shut after wasting India’s productive time with the never ending series of saas bahu dogpoop…the question we should ask ourselves is that do we have the guts to speak/listen to the truth and more importantly live with that truth for the rest of our life?…moreover, if someone doesn’t mind doing it and earn few bucks in the process, what’s the harm? It’s a win-win situation…you get entertained, they earn money…they don’t mind…so why the heck should you?? Change the damn channel if you find it morally incorrect…perfect…as I write this blog, I see this topic of the big debate on NDTV – “Are reality shows suitable for Indian culture?”…just perfect!!

The underlying point is that it’s frustrating to see that every time something new or revolutionary comes up, there is someone or the other to oppose it and create an unnecessary brouhaha about it …and these are not limited to just TV shows…these frustrated people debate these issues on news channels, call strikes, take law and order in their own hands, assume the role of “moral brigade” – the guardians of our stain free culture…it’s disheartening to be just a spectator to such shameless mockery of law and order everyday…not the kind of “Reality TV” one wants to see…so the blood boils when you see women getting beaten up and get unceremoniously dragged out of pubs, when goons strip a woman in public while the junta merely watches the show, when a child succumbs to severe punishment given in the school, when after decades of pending court cases, the verdict goes in favor of the criminal, when taxpayers money is used to build make out parks and monuments, when terrorists strike the country every now and then while all we do is have bilateral talks and send dossiers, when endless debates occur over legalization of gay marriage…all we do as a society is “debate” on some sick news channel…a clear indicator of our suppressed frustration…it’s a fact that when extreme mindsets decide to live in equilibrium, it’s a paradox…just- can’t- happen…Our country needs some serious purging…some event that changes everything overnight…it has happened in the past – can happen in the future…Irrelevant and disturbing elements will be purged and new law and order will be established…some sane person will be in command and no time wasting nonsense will be allowed…today’s pseudo democracy will give way to an unadulterated right to express opinion without fear…and then we won’t need these controversial reality shows and debates anymore…everyone will think at the same level…Utopia you say? I say amen to that!

A B C of Kolkata and Bengal !

People always ask me why are you Kolkatans so passionate about Bengal and Kolkata…and everytime, i give them a zillion reasons, but somehow those ignorant imbeciles never seem to understand…so let me try this one more time for all those slow people…let me start with the “ABC of Bengal and Kolkata”…I had received this as a forward a few months back…thought of sharing it with all my friends on the occasion of Bengali New Year.

A Warning: We Kolkatans are very sentimental about Kolkata…and would never bear anyone talking bad about it or making fun of it…It’s the “Thought Capital” of India…It’s our very own beloved city and ONLY we are entitled to pull our own legs !!….NO ONE ELSE !!
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Disclaimer : I do not know who has written this! Just chanced upon it on the internet and thought it was a funny read. In case you have problems understanding the tone/pronunciation — Contact your friendly neighborhood Bengali !!

A is for Awpheesh (as in Office). This is where the average Kolkakattan
goes and spends a day hard at work. And if he works for the ‘West Bengal
Gawrment’ he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea break
at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break for lunch at 1, smoke an
unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and
go home at 4:30. It’s a hard life!

B is for Bhision. For some reason many Bengalis don’t have good bhision. In
fact in Kolkata most people are wearing spectacles all the time.

C is for Chappell (as in Greg). Currently, this is the Bengali word for the
Devil, for the worst form of evil. In the night mothers put their kids to
sleep saying, ‘Na ghumaley Chappell eshey dhorey niye jabe.’

D is for Debashish or any other name starting with Deb. By an ancient law
every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So you have a
Debashish everywhere and trying to get creative they are also called Deb,
Debu, Deba with variations like Debanik, Deboprotim, Debojyoti, etc. thrown
in at times.

E is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous by
Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a
Bengali, especially Bengali women, use eeesh 10,089 times every year. ‘Ei
Morechhey’ is a close second to Eeesh.

F is for Feeesh. These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and are a
favourite food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has
such  strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a fish is all right.
If not he will say ‘eeesh what feeesh is theesh!’

G is for Good name. Every Bengali boy will have a good name like Debashish
or Deboprotim and a pet name like Motka, Bhombol, Thobla, etc. While every
Bengali girls will have pet names like Tia, Tuktuki, Mishti, Khuku, etc.

H is for Harmonium. This the Bengali equivalent of a rock guitar. Take four
Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors to The Bheatles!

I is for lleesh. This is a feeesh with 10,000 bones which would kill any
ordinary person, but which the Bengalis eat with releeesh!

J is for Jhola. No self respecting Bengali is complete without his Jhola.
It is a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings and he fits
an amazing number of things in. Even as you read this there are 2 million
jholas bobbling around Kolkata- and they all look exactly the same! Note
that ‘Jhol’ as in Maachher Jhol is a close second

K is for Kee Kaando !. It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation till
eeesh took over because of Aishwarya Rai (now Kee Kando’s agent is trying
to hire Bipasha Basu).

L is for Lungi – the dress for all occasions. People in Kolkata manage to
play football and cricket wearing it not to mention the daily trip in the
morning to the local bajaar. Now there is talk of a lungi expedition to Mt.
Everest .

M is for Minibus. These are dangerous half buses whose antics would
effortlessly frighten the living daylights out of all James Bond stuntmen
as well as Formula 1 race car drivers. M is also for Maunkey Cap and
Muphler!!

N is for Nangto. This is the Bengali word for Naked. It is the most
interesting naked word in any language!

O is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will cure
anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the ear), to cough
(oil on the throat) to piles (oil you know where!)

P is for Phootball. This is always a phavourite phassion of the Kolkattan.
Every Bengali is born an expert in this game. The two biggest clubs there
are  Mohunbagan and East Bengal and when they play the city comes to a
stop.

Q is for Queen. This really has nothing to do with the Bengalis or Kolkata,
but it’s the only Q word one can think of. There’s also Quilt but they
never use them in Kolkata.

R is for Robi Thakur. Many nany years ago Rabindranath got the Nobel Prize.
This has given the right to all Bengalis no matter where they are to frame
their acceptance speeches as if they were directly related to the great
poet and walk with their head held high. This also gives Bengalis the
birthright to look down at Delhi and Mumbai and of course ‘all
non-Bengawlees’ ! Note that ‘Rawshogolla’ comes a close second !

S is for Shourav. Now that they finally produced a genuine cricketer and a
captain, Bengalis think that he should be allowed to play until he is 70
years old. Of course they will see to it that he stays in good form by
doing a little bit of ‘joggo’ and ‘maanot’.

T is for Trams. Hundred years later there are still trams in Kolkata. Of
course if you are in a hurry it’s faster to walk.

U is for Aambrela.. When a Bengali baby is born he is handed one.

V is for Bhaayolence. Bengalis are the most non-violent violent people
around. When an accident happens they will fold up their sleeves, shout
and  scream and curse and abuse, ‘Chherey De Bolchhi’ but the last time
someone actually hit someone was in 1947.

W is for Water. For three months of the year the city is underwater and
every year for the last 200 years the authorities are taken by surprise by
this!

X is for X’mas. It’s very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit up and
all Bengalis agreeing that they must eat cake that day.

Y is for Yesshtaarday. Which is always better than today for a Bengali (see
R for Robi Thakur).

Z is for Jebra, Joo, Jipper and Jylophone..

How to kill time for 2 months !

This part of my life is called “Yaaawwwn….ZZZzzzz….BORRRING”…with MBA completed and job starting from June…all i am supposed to do for 2 months is relax at home…but let me tell you something…it ain’t that easy…in fact, it becomes a torture after a few days…I feel like a vegetable…lying lifeless on the bed/sofa and flicking channels…the only difference between me and a potato is that the potato knows how to make itself useful – it comes under my mom’s knife and serves itself on my plate…btw since i mentioned potato, let me share some gyaan about potatoes with you – yeah ! its “DID YOU KNOW with Nimit” time… something i read in business today -

DID YOU KNOW – those McDonald fries that we eat – till 2007, all of them were imported. Now, by 2010 all will be made in India..these fries will come from a special variety of potato- Shepody (high on solid, low on liquid), grown in Himachal Pradesh. The process of growing this variety is interesting – the mastercrop is grown in the Himalayas. Then they are harvested in September and rushed 1000 Km to Gujarat where they are replanted and finally harvested in March. They are then sent to the McCain factory at Mehsana to become MacFries. Some of these Shepody potatoes are over a foot long…so those super long fries are not formed in machines, they come from these potatoes..and DID YOU KNOW – McDonalds serves almost 3500 Tonnes of potato products in India !

Ya ok, I am done here…don’t curse me for giving gyaan on potatoes…that’s what happens when you have practically nothing else to do…Someone suggested – “Why don’t you look for part time jobs“…Good idea I thought. So i opened the “Times Classifieds” page and started circling all “relevant” ads for part time jobs.

The first ad went like this – “Call Ms XXX to work P/F time with MNC by Ph/PC from home, all welcome. Earn huge is serious, change your lifestyle”…I didn’t care much about “Earn huge is serious” thing…but i did want to change my lifestyle…so i gave her a call..she sounded like a middle aged bengali woman – “Hello ! we are a MALTINASHNAL KAMPANY from USA…we have more than 2.5 crore employees all over da BHARLD…We will give you KANSALTANCY JHOB…we show you a presentation..then you decide BHOT Marketing LEBEL you want to enter…you come…write down my PHULL name…THEES is BHERY important…without thees, you wont be able to meet me…” Enuf Lady ! I refuse to meet you…Marketing level in a consultancy job???..i knew it was some dumbass herbashit product marketing thing…i resisted the temptation of advising her to shove her KANSALTANCY JHOB up her “backside”

The second ad required me to pay 600 bucks for registering and all i was required to do was write letters to some company and get paid 300 bucks for each letter…puuuhleez !!..you expect me to buy that?

The third one seemed to connect a bit…it said “Attention !! MBA’s become forex trader. Join trading room of XXX.com and make 20% monthly guaranteed”…i am an MBA and i understand Forex…and 20% guaranteed return?? dat’s awesome…This one’s for me…Lemme give him a call…this guy who answered the call told me that he had 20 years of work experience in Forex trading…and he mentioned USA somewhere in the conversation…impressive, i thought…so i asked him how this thing worked…this is what the smartass tells me…i pay him 5000 bucks for training..he trains me for 2 months and then i do exactly what he does while i trade for myself/friends/relatives/dogs/cats/rakhi sawant etc and i get a guaranteed 20% return on capital…yeah right…I shouldn’t have done MBA only…follow this guy and buy an island !!

No more phone calls i decided…these are not jobs for an MBA…i should not humiliate my degree like this…i rather lie down like a vegetable and watch Rakhi Sawant humiliate herself, again, this time by pretending to be a blushing Indian bride (she looks like a “you know what” in the ad) looking for true love on “telibijun” (dats how she pronounced it)and all those desi liquor consuming – high on Gaanja – jobless – losers who try to woo her…or watch spineless Nauman getting humiliated on National TV yet again by super obnoxious Palak on Roadies…and Hurrah ! Sinchaan is back !!!…not to forget – Beauty and the Geek on Star world..its kinda lame, but I like it….and I have Heroes and Big Bang Theory in my laptop…enough material for 2 months I say…doesn’t seem like a torture anymore !…I rescued myself again…and don’t think this potato shit is over…more gyaan on its way !!..You can’t stop me…. I’m bored…It’s my blog…I write whatever I want…Bite me ! ;-D

It’s a Wrap !

They say that you don’t realize the value of something till you are on the verge of losing it…and then it sucks big time to let it go when it’s no longer in your hands to hold on to it. Well, it couldn’t be more true…The time has come when we step out of that gate to the road that takes us to the outside world where we start the next phase of our life…Yeps..the 2 year MBA at SCMHRD for the batch of 2007 -09 is coming to an end…the gtalk status messages are showing the countdown – “5 days left, 4 days left…”…The batch photos, the year book, the division parties, the farewell party – all are reminder of the bitter truth – “this just might be the last time we all are together”…But since all good things come to an end…so why expect an exception?

Like my totally sloshed friend blurted out at the last Div C party – “Mazaak Mazaak mein MBA poora ho gaya”…Yes, It’s over…
…but what will remain forever, more than compensates for this loss – it’s the bitter sweet memories – the viscious circle of Talk About, Tamanna and Mezza9; the insane rooftop parties; mammoth of a 1st sem, the deceptive 2nd sem, the crucial 3rd sem and the “farzi” 4th sem; the dreaded birthday bums; summer placement hysteria, Vada pav at shivaji and aunty; the “waah waah waah” and “soham” of Art of Living; Naravne’s slides, Phatak’s screensaver, Shivram Apte’s rage (Boy! I bet no one can forget that evening), Prantosh’s eccentricity, Subbu’s Gukki (Gucci), hawards (harvard) and “cock and bull”, Anant Gupta’s frequent threats; the search for “Tinku” da dhaaba, the Bihari accent fever, the excel sheet of “hisaab Kitaab”, the late night AOE and Counterstrike sessions, the recession-hit final placements..trust me..i can go on forever…these things cannot be taken away…they are right up there and will remain there forever, reminding us of “those were the days”! But these memories are not the only thing that will remain….What will also remain with us for the rest of our life is the fact that “MBA changed our life” and I am not talking about the jobs and salaries – I dare not, as this was the worst year to come out of a B-School…

When i was joining SCMHRD, i used to get this quite often from people who had already been there and done that – “You will come out as a different person”…That time I thought what they were referring to was the polishing you get in a B-School…but after undertaking the journey myself, i realized that it’s not only about MBA and studies and presentations…It’s about the journey itself…you come out as a different person because during the course of this journey you had what I call a “Reality Check” – The way people around you changed over the past 2 years – Who remained your friends and stood by you in shitty times and who did a complete volte face…If you have been there, then you have learnt a lot…i say, don’t complain – thank god that you learnt this lesson on campus…now you will be more cautious…in the world which is full of people with a wide smile, a dirty heart and no balls…You would have realized by now – “Not everyone around you is your friend”

But despite all this gyaan…one thing is for sure…you will never be in such an environment again – Outings with friends, gossiping sessions in the hostel rooms, midnight food from I2IT, gaming sessions, pulling each other’s legs – you will never see it again…and despite all the hard feelings that you have kept for a person in these 2 years, you will hug him/her and say “It was fun, i will miss you !”…When you step out of that empty hostel room, it will feel like you are leaving “home”…and when you step out of that main gate, you will look back at the building and will give it a silent nod of respect and you will say- “Thank You SCMHRD, It was Crazy, It was Fun”

Lessons from the Neighbour !

Just for the record, I am regularly following the Pakistan -India Ping Pong game over Kasab and “war on terror”…But not because I am interested in politics or current affairs…I am following this case, so that i can learn certain things from Pakistan that my 2 yr MBA didn’t teach me…So if you refer to my post “Mr. Prime Minister, It’s time for some action!”, I had expressed my doubts over the possibility of a meaningful outcome of this “You blame us – we send you questionnaire – you answer them – then we will see what to do” game…just to refresh you, Pakistan, in response to the Indian dossier of evidence given earlier in Jan, had posed 30 questions.

India’s response to the questions was very comprehensive and answered every question posed by Pakistan…wow…30/30…A+…well..that’s what Chidambaram and his “intelligentsia” thought…and this is where my learning begins…Apparently, Pakistan is not satisfied with the details provided by India…Pakistan considers the information provided in the 400 page dossier as “irrelevant”…Phusss !!! 0/30 …Some poor guy sitting in home minister’s office must have spent days putting together the 400 page dossier and Pakistan, with one stroke of genius, marked it as “Irrelevant” – Redo !! lolz

And what’s the learning?? It’s simple – There is no such thing as good people and bad people in this world, there are only smart people and “pea-brain” people !!…The whole belief of good things happen to good people and boo-boo happens to bad people is wrong…instead…if you are smart, you rule and if you have a “pea-brain”, those smart people’s dogs pee on you…and that’s the universal truth…Always, and i mean ALWAYS, remember that !

I can only imagine the scene at India’s Home ministry and the scene at Pakistan’s interior ministry.

The scene at Home Ministry –

The confident babu at home ministry must be thinking – “Pakistan asked us 30 questions, we are giving them a mammoth 400 page dossier in reply…we are smart…haha…how about that??…now Pakistan is trapped…it will have no choice but to take action…its time to celebrate in office…raamdin…sabko meri taraf se cutting chaai and Parle G Biscuits”

The scene at Pakistan ministry –

Chairman of the Board Meeting – “Gentlemen, we have an emergency here…We couldn’t pay last month’s water bill and we cannot afford toilet papers…brainstorm on what should we do???”

Smart Guy -”Sir, no problem, we just received a 400 page dossier from our friendly neighbour…why not use it?”

Chairman – “Excellent Idea ! you are promoted…someday you will be President”

See !! how the smart guys win and the not-so-smart guys have to face dogs with  bladder problems !

This one lesson is enough wisdom for me…and using that very wisdom, i have decided not to waste my time over this case…I would rather blog about lifting the ban on Shinchan…my nephew and I miss him !!

Killer House & Techno Playlist !!

Warning - If you are one of those “music lovers” who like a song for its lyrics only and consider house/trance/psychedelic as trash…if you say – “its just dhikchak dhikchack…and no song”…if you ask the DJ who is playing house, to play Bhangra instead because you cant figure out how to dance on a song which has no “lyrics”…and all you want to do is “Balle Balle”…then dis ain’t the post for you !!…I will not lecture you about what house music is and why you should appreciate it…I have tried it many times – people just refuse to listen, instead they judge my taste…can’t help it…let them judge…I cant enforce my taste on them…I suggest they scroll down and check out my other posts and enjoy…for others, who at least want to give house/trance/techno a shot…you have come to the right place !!…you won’t be disappointed….for i am going to share with you, my list of 20 killer house/trance/techno/psychedelic tracks….they are in no particular order…you can download them using torrent or at www.4shared.com or or can send me a request..i will mail them to you…Anything to promote some good music…So here it goes:

1. Rise up – Yves Larock

2. World Hold on – Bob Sinclair

3. Watch Out – Alex Gaudino feat. Shena

4. The World is Mine [Deep Dish Mix] – David Guetta

5.  Put Your Hands Up 4 Detroit (Radio Edit) – Fedde Le Grand

6. Proper education (promo extended mix) – eric prydz vs pink floyd

7. Say it Right (Manage Music Remix) – Nelly Furtado

8. White horse (radio edit) – Wonderland Avenue

9. Evermore – It’s too late (Dirty South Remix)

10. Arabian Adventure 2 – DJ Antoine

11. Marabou (Delhi mix) – Stephan M [Album: Africanism by DJ Coco]

12. Deros Illusion (Deros South Ameriacan Vocal Mix) – Dero feat. Leee John

13. Summer Moon (Club Edit) – Africanism – David Guetta ,Tim Deluxe, Bob Sinclar, Joachim Garraud

14. Drop the Pressure – Mylo

15. Hot Pant Girl – Neelix

16. Zookey [Lift your leg up] – Yves Larock Feat Africanism

17.  My My My 2006 (Stonebridge Remix) – Armand Van Helden

18. Fine day [ hoxton whores ] dallas superstar – dmc

19. One night in Bangkok -Global Deejays

20. Who is watching – Armin Van Buuren

So, go ahead…try them…and let me know if you liked them !

Memoirs of a Mosquito – A day with Div C

The only eventful thing happening at SCMHRD at present is the Yearbook 2007-09…People are busy filling up the excel sheets, writing “stuff” about their “friends”…taking out their frustrations…voting for the “tharki”, “bewda”, “vella” etc of the batch…picking their best profile picture…i have never seen my batch this enthusiastic about anything…I was asked to give a writeup on Division C at SCMHRD for the yearbook…so sharing it with you all…I call it “Memoirs of a Mosquito – A day with Div C”

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The room was empty…The lights were out…The tables were dusty…Ah! The setting was perfect…I smiled at the prospect of a peaceful day…Where I would not be disturbed by anyone…I would rest on a fan blade, sipping my “Bloody Mary” and reading my favorite book – “The Count of Mos` Quito“…Little did I know, that in an hour from now…I would be dead !!

Things were going as planned…I was beginning to enjoy my moment of solitude when suddenly the door opened and people started pouring in…Damn !! I thought…This must be their 1st day…Wannabe MBAs…It was room 406, the room allotted for Division C of SCMHRD. I could see fresh faces and aha! fresh blood. “You fools shall pay for spoiling my day…I shall bite you all” – I vowed. So I took my flight and looked down at my party poopers…they seemed harmless…infact they all looked worried… the marketing faculty had psyched them out in their very 1st class…Welcome to SCMHRD…nothing new for me, it’s the same story every year…they come, they get butchered, they go…But I had a hunch that these guys were no ordinary wannabes…they seemed special…so I decided to stay back and observe them before I take a few bites here and there…so there I was, facing the entire Division C of 2007-09 batch…Of course they couldn’t see me…They were here to be trained for seeing the bigger picture…But I could see them…and I will tell you what I saw…I saw young fighters who, in the next two years, would be constantly challenged to prove their worth. They would be put into difficult situations in which they would be required to take tough decisions…and they will shine…because they were destined to shine….I saw a young guy who had a compromised vision but yet his eyes emanated focus and courage…I saw guys and girls who could crush anyone with their knowledge and yet they were humble and helpful…I saw a mighty warrior who was well on his way of wiping out the entire chicken population of this country…I saw girls who were Beauty with Brains… I saw a golden heart…Uh! And I saw Shahrukh Khan…Well, Almost!!…I saw guys and girls who would beat the best B-Schools in the country in National Level Competitions…I saw guys who were so straight and honest about their opinion that they didn’t fear anyone…I saw creative geniuses – The Poet, the Designer and the Artist …I saw enthusiasm, courage, focus and determination…

These guys and girls were not average students…they would be the most outstanding performers of the batch…and yet they would know how to party…This Division C depicted “Balance” – The Balance of Yin and Yang…They studied hard and partied harder…this was some quality blood in front of me – “I got to have some”, I thought. But, just when I was about to take the flight, came the loud thud!!! I didn’t see him coming…He was a tall, dark man with oiled hair combed backwards…I had been ambushed…I was counting my last few seconds…But I could hear his voice. He was addressing the class – “It’s all cock and bull…Batti lagaoonga tum logon ki”…I laughed and thought – “Go Ahead! Give your best shot!! They are not the regulars”…and with those last thoughts, I silently bade them goodbye…I couldn’t bite them…and in the following two years, nobody could!!

Adios Jade !!

“What do you do, when you know that you are only hours away from your end?”..The very thought of it is frightening…It brings tear to your eyes when you read things like “she’s terrified of falling asleep because she’s afraid she’ll never wake up. She’s been crying her eyes out, she’s been in floods of tears because she too realizes it’s nearly the end of the road” – Jade Goody, of “Big Brother” fame, is nearing her end..she had been suffering from cervical cancer and her condition is deteriorating – she is only hours away from ending the journey called life…and she has already planned her funeral – she has arranged for giant TV screens to show the church service to the crowd expected to gather outside, she also chose all her hymns – she wants it to be the celebration of her life ! Here’s the thing..I don’t care who she is and what she did, the controversy with Shilpa Shetty etc…frankly, it doesn’t really matter to me…All I know is that she is only 27, yet, she is leaving with no regrets…she fought cancer, got married, got christened and she claims that she is happy…How many of us have the courage to be like that? Let me confess…Even I am 27…if i came to know that i was going to die in few days…i wouldnt even survive those few days…i would be so bitter with life that i would start hating everything around me, curse god for doing such a thing to me, would not meet people, would stay in a dark room…i don’t know what i will do, i really don’t know…what i do know is that i would leave with bitter feelings…that i didn’t get a fair chance to get all that i wanted in life…but now, when i introspect, i realize that there have been moments in my life where i have spoiled the “present” for want of a better future…and then it strikes me – What future? What was Future yesterday is Present today…so what future am i waiting for exactly? I don’t know…How foolish have i been for spoiling so many “presents” for want of something i dont even know exists for me. You appreciate life when you appreciate the present…You appreciate future and you keep waiting and waiting and you keep complaining that nothing good happens to me…well that’s what you deserve when you don’t appreciate what you have NOW…Thank you Jade ! Lesson learnt – It is not about HOW MUCH you live, but HOW you live! So, here’s wishing you a very happy journey…You lived well !

Breaking News !

“With great powers come great responsibilities” - That’s what Spidey’s uncle advised him in the movie Spiderman ! i couldn’t agree more…Power is bestowed upon individuals/organizations who have the ability to shape a prosperous future for the society…Powerful people can make or break societies…Media is one such powerful entity which is capable of influencing the masses…Over the years, Media has transformed itself as a spokesperson for the people, conducting sting operations, creating pressure on judicial system for faster action, raising its voice against unfair practices etc.

My special emphasis here is towards the Indian News Channels which play a very important role in breaking the news from all around the world so that we feel connected and informed about how the world is performing…Today, there is a plethora of news channels made available for us who, in their own unique ways, update us with important world events. This post is not about those news channels…This post is about that one news channel which stands apart from all other news channel…the mother of all news channels…a channel which takes its job wayyy too seriously…This post is about India’s very own – INDIA TV...This channel plays a crucial role in informing and educating over one billion Indians…and with “India” attached to its name, it is also important from a national angle…in case you don’t know what i am talking about…fasten your seat belts and be prepared for some of India TV’s finest breaking news…

Breaking News#1: “UFOs abducting cows !!” …“Do aliens drink Cow’s milk?” …“Are Indian Cows in Danger?”

Aliens drinking cow milk?? Who asks such questions? Are they lactose tolerant?

FYI: These arrows and circle that you see, are India TVs trademark and its their way of communicating with cave men like you and me.

Breaking News#2: “Love Triangle of Tigers” - check out the cheezy lines straight out of a C grade hindi movie

Thank you India TV…You do know what we like to watch on TV !!..this seems to be right out of ekta kapoor’s soaps…now what will happen? who will the “bewafa baagh” end up with? btw, check out the hearts and the arrow..how convincing!…now we really believe that they are in love…

Breaking News#3: “Steps to Heaven” - Apparently, India TV’s highly qualified, well trained, adventurous correspondents have found the steps to heaven…wow..”Mil Gayee Woh Swarg ki Seedhi !!!”..Bravo !

Now how do you top that??..simple…you find a shortcut to heaven…

I am a bit slow…but are they calling bats “Titliyaan”???..some deep shit eh !

Now, if these god gifted correspondents can locate the way to heaven, can hell be far behind??

Breaking News#4: “Yeh Hai Yamlok” [Hell]

Wow..Yamraj has birds as guards?? and only India TV knows about them??..It calls them “Yamlok ka camera”…That’s inside information…How did they know that??My guess is that India TV has a special relation with Yamraj..perhaps that’s why it’s going to hell !!!

There are many more news with such content…each topping the other…right from how Kareena Kapoor royally ignored Amitabh Bachhan at an awards ceremony [they actually showed the distance of 6 feet between Kareena and Amitabh with the help of their trademark double headed "arrow"] to how Aamir Khan made Salmaan Khan quit Alcohol for a film shoot..now these are some quality information that we always wanted to know…

Other channels are not far behind…While “sabze tez” Aaj tak discusses about “Commissioner’s lost dog “ who was later found..yay !!, Star News proudly informs India that Rahul Gandhi ate “Daal puri and sabzi” !!

Just last month, one of the news channels..I don’t remember which one…should be either Aaj tak or India TV [other channels are relatively sane] gave a sensational news…it started as “Maut ka number – 320″..”yeh ek aisa number hai jiske digits ko aap add kariye ya subtract kariye..final result will be the same – MAUT !!”..”kya hai yeh 320 ka rahasya?”..I must confess, even i was interested to know this…so i didn’t flip the channel…you know what this number 320 was? Apparently, some secret agency found out a list of LeT’s targets and the list had 320 locations as targets. Important information, no doubt…but why do you have to sensationalize it in such a dumb manner..”maut ka number – 320″…asoles !

What do we do with such news channels?? I say, Nothing…just watch them and get entertained when you get tired of Baalika Vadhu !!